how's bonding going?

This is a question that we've gotten a lot since bringing Birdy home.  Everyone from dear family and friends to case workers has this same question.  And it is one that we have occasionally asked ourselves.  This is a good question- I love getting it!  It allows me the chance to brag on my girl.  To share how she no longer screeches when she's angry.  How her body isn't tense any more.  How she gives me giant open mouth kisses all over.  How she lets us comfort her.  How she loves to play, play, play!  This question gives me the chance to reveal how we are all making positive steps, together.

On the flip side of this, we get a lot of these questions as well "how much longer 'til you put her in the nursery?", "when are y'all ever going to leave that baby and go out?", "wouldn't you rather put her down and have a free hand?".  I really wasn't expecting that these questions would come as soon as four weeks after bringing Birdy home.  But they did- and we are asked these questions every week.  Sometimes by the same people.  I have noticed that some are genuinely curious.  They are more linear thinkers and would like to have a timeline.  Others just want a chance to let you know what they think. Like the woman who told me that Birdy "is more resilient than you think she is".  For these people no answer will suffice.  I have tried my best to explain in utero trauma, abandonment trauma, and the trauma of being separated from her foster mom.  And how it is our intention to do no more harm to this sweet little one.  But it is lost on them.  I realize that most just want to share their unfounded opinion and move on.  They don't want to know the why behind choices.

This has been hurtful.  I'd like to pretend like it's not, but it is.  Not just for us.  Question us all you want, we're grown ups!  But please don't put unfair expectations on my child.  Don't presume that she should be able to get over her circumstances and be grateful just because she "has a family now" (yes, this has been spoken to her).

Adoption opens up so many awkward at best, and hurtful at worst, encounters.  I have been firm with some when needed, and just let it go with others.  Battles must be chosen wisely.

And you know what else?  Besides for her sake- we have waited five long years for a baby to come into our lives.  Why, after three months, would I want to be away from her?

So in answer to the above question, the

"how is bonding going?"

I can say assuredly "great!  it is going great!".

To all of the other questions I would like to just be able to point to the progress and say "this is going great by the grace of God and because of our choices that you question", but most often it would only fall on deaf ears.  So I walk away, feeling a little wounded, and a little like a stranger in a strange land.

birdy is 8 months old!

And I'm horrible about keeping up with stuff like this, but her foster mama was successful at it for the first seven months of her life, so I'm determined to finish out the year strong!

Would you look at this precious girl?!

Right now she is:

• crawling on all fours
• pulling up on everything
• loving to be outside
• cracking up the hardest at Buddy
• eating everything I put in front of her
• drinking water out of a sippy cup
• finally letting me rock her to sleep!  My absolute favorite thing!
• snuggling up close for feedings

Some of these stand out most to me (which wouldn't necessarily be a big milestone for one of my bio children) because of the strides we are making towards bonding.  My caseworker recently told me that with adopted infants (and children) you need to do twice the touch, twice the cuddling, twice the interaction, twice the eye contact, etc. that you would do for a biological child.  We are learning every day how to balance all of the needs of all of the members of this family.  We are letting the non-essentials fall off and putting our energy towards what truly matters, knowing that all of the ground we cover now, sets us all up for a healthier tomorrow.

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the road to birdy {part 2}

If you are just tuning in, please see {PART 1}!

Tuesday October 9 was a busy day!  I was on the phone with our agency pretty much all day trying to get paperwork faxed and details to our home study worked out.  I also had to make several appointments for our family.  We were able to get our cat vaccinated, the entire family in for physicals, and our FBI fingerprints done in a matter of two days!  I also sent out emails to all of our friends to get the word out that we needed STUFF!  And because they are wonderful, all of our needs were met in about three days time.

Friday October 12 our agency went to court to transfer guardianship over to them from CPS.  It all worked out in our favor and was actually a very easy trial.  Everything was going exactly how it needed to in order to get Birdy into our home as soon as possible.  That evening our director called and asked if we could come on Sunday evening to begin our home visits.  We were so eager to meet her that we gladly wiped our week clean so we could be in Tyler for the whole week.

We met Birdy on October 14.  We arrived at her foster mom's home and were greeted by our director in the yard.  She told us that she had brought a professional photographer to capture our first moments meeting our daughter.  I was so excited to hear that!  That way we could just enjoy the moment and not have to worry about documenting it.  Then she shared that the photographer was involved in various ministries around town and brought along a homeless woman with her.  And that said homeless woman was wearing a hat made out of newspaper!  John and I looked at each other and said, of course there is a homeless woman here in a newspaper hat on the day we meet our new daughter!  Because that is just how our life works!  And it makes for a great story afterwards, which I always love!  I have to add that her paper hat was not your standard George Washington style.  It was really intricate and had paper rosettes stapled to it.  I was very impressed!

Back to Birdy.  She was very shy when we first met, and I was overcome with emotion.  It was like there wasn't a sound or another person in that room.  She warmed up to us very quickly and loved sitting with Moonpie.  We spent about an hour with her that night just soaking her up and trying (but not always succeeding) to give her some space.

The rest of the week went the same way.  We would spend time with her daily in her foster home.  John would leave with the big kids, and I would stay for most of the day.  I loved getting to see her with her foster mom and learning all I could about her.

Her foster mom was wonderful!  We learned that she is friends with some friends of ours- crazy small world!  But this little connection made things feel instantly comfortable.  She and I hit it off very well, and were able to be very transparent with one another.  We were able to say things like "this is really awkward" or "this is really hard".  We even cried together several times.  In the midst of that week that was very long and emotionally difficult I think about the sweetness of God.  How He worked it that two women who would actually like each other would be able to team up for this sweet child.  He didn't have to do that.  She could have not liked me and allowed me an hour a day in her home.  But that's not how it was orchestrated.  I am so thankful for the friendship that we forged in that week.  It also allowed us to be especially sensitive to her needs that week.  We are eternally grateful to this lovely woman for the love she put into Birdy's life.  Our happy girl is who she is because she felt loved from the very beginning.  How can you ever stop being thankful for that?

On Wednesday, October 17 we took Birdy to the zoo for our family outing.  That day sealed it for us.  We moved from feeling like visitors peeking into her life, to knowing that we were her parents.  She napped on my chest and allowed me to feed her.

It was a wonderful afternoon, but so bittersweet.  We knew that we would need to bring up the subject about us going home the next day.  It was a hard conversation to have.  Beyond hard.  But we all knew that we had the Birdy's best interest at heart and all decided that the next morning would be best.

So on Thursday, October 18, we woke up, ate our hotel breakfast, and headed to our adoption agency. We had to sign placement papers and receive counsel on what our early days at home should look like. Our agency is wonderful.  Such loving, patient women.  They had great wisdom to pass onto us and we were grateful for it.

After signing papers we went to Birdy's foster home to pick her up.  Oh, this was another bittersweet moment.  It was so hard to see her foster mom- my friend- feeling so broken.  We all cried and said our good byes.  And then it was official.  There were three kids sitting in that backseat together.  Our three kids!

Now we are just living our daily life together.  We are learning all about this little person that is new to us, but comes with memories and experiences, because she's not new.  She has experienced heartache and pain that some people never have to face in their whole life.  She has overcome obstacles that are debilitating to some.  I am so awed by her resiliency and her happy demeanor.  She is a girl that is deeply loved and my daily prayer for her is that she knows it,
she knows it,
she knows it, 
down into the depths of her soul.

our road to birdy {part 1}

this sweet picture was snapped on our first night meeting Birdy

Wow!  The last three weeks of my life have been a whirlwind.  I find myself having brief moments of emotions that well up from the goodness of it all.  In those moments I realize that I am still processing our road to Birdy.  Let's take a step back, shall we?

We have been officially on our adoption journey for two years now.  I submitted our paperwork to our agency in October of 2010.  February 2011 we had our formal training, and the summer of 2011 we completed our home study.  And then nothing.  Crickets, even!  It was so quiet we began wondering, "are we doing the right thing?  Is this the right agency for us?".  And we kept hearing the Lord tell us yes.  Yes this is the right place.  Yes this is the right timing.  Just trust.

So we did.

And then in June 2012 we received our phone call from the Houston branch of our agency.  They had a birth mom that had chosen us!  We were...well...shocked!  We didn't think we were on their radar.  The night we got the call we were praying and kept hearing God whispering into our hearts that this particular path was going to be about the birth mom.  I interpreted that to mean that it was going to be about the birth mom until it was about the baby.  But I was wrong.  I think most of you know how that ended for us in late August.  A placement that fell through.  But a beautiful relationship with a young woman was formed, and I am so thankful for that.  So grateful that we got the chance to be her support in a time that light was trying to break through some very hard years of darkness for her.  

In early September we decided to forge ahead and get our home study updated for our new home.  It was painless and we told ourselves that it was good to prepared "just in case".  Kind of like getting your passport, you just never know when you're going to need it.  (PS-  I haven't "needed" my passport in oh, about 10 years).  The next week I called up our agency in Tyler.  It was one of those moments where I just needed to hear their voices, touch base, make sure it was all still real.  In that phone call I discovered that (a) we had checked all of the boxes on our profile for any and every race, except Caucasian and (b) we were not on the email list for their cases that came up through CPS.  We rectified both of those issues, and that very week we received three different emails for children in need of a forever family through CPS.  

On Friday, October 5, we received an email about a baby girl that needed an immediate placement.  Our agency had received word from the judge in Tyler about her, but knew very little information at that time.  Because of the nature of the timing, they inferred that she probably was having some trouble and the email warned about possible delays and hardships.  John and I prayed about it and felt that we were supposed to pursue her.  We replied in an email and then heard nothing.  As the weekend went on I just assumed that she had been placed, but that Sunday night I had dream after dream of a little dark haired baby girl, and knew that I needed to follow up on Monday morning (October 8).  So I sent another email.  That evening I received a phone call from the director of our agency.  She told me that they had two families in mind for this child and we were one of them.  Their only hesitation on us was that we lived in a two bedroom house!  That was great news because we don't live in a two bedroom house any more!  When I shared that with her, her response was "Ok!  Well, I guess you're the family!  {pause} If you want to be...".  

We discussed how our file was incomplete at that point and that we needed a home study update.  When I told her that we had an update two weeks prior she was overjoyed!  The biggest hurdle was already out of the way- now onto the 20 or so more things that had to be done.  That week!

On Tuesday October 9 I received two of the best emails I have ever gotten.  One was an email with Birdy's pictures in them.  I couldn't believe how smiley and beautiful she was!  Moonpie spoke my heart so clearly when she said "She looks familiar.  Like I already know her".  That was the feeling!  Like she had always been a part of us.  That email also gave us updates on her health and development.  She had a rough in utero experience and spent 2 weeks in the NICU, but today is healthy and hitting all developmental markers!  The second email had the subject line "BABY'S FAMILY HAS BEEN FOUND!!!".  Us!  That was talking about us!!!

I'll stop here- {PART 2} to follow soon!

when life hands you a sister...

...make cookies and have a tea party.

We are experiencing some occasional growing pains over here in regards to the newest sister.  For the most part they are both doing great.  Better than great!  But then there are moments where I catch one looking a little mopey as they are trying to process all that has happened in their life this past week.

I thought having 2 weeks to prepare was hard on me, well, it seems it's a little harder on the big kids.

I have a sweet friend who reminded me this morning that growing pains are good!  That was a reminder that I needed this morning.  Like a butterfly fighting her way out of a chrysalis in order to stretch her wings, my sweeties are all bound up in mixed feelings and emotions.  But I know all of this laboring through will produce something beautiful in their lives.

It is a practice to remember that God has not only called John and I into the ministry of adoption, but He has called these two into it as well.  And what they are learning right now is preparing them for whatever He has planned for them.

I already see some of the fruits;  Moonpie offering to bathe her sister, Buddy wanting to help put her laundry away.  And last night I overheard Buddy telling John that he wasn't going to get married.  When asked about having kids he said "I'm going to adopt two boys".  Same for Moonpie.  She has determined that birth is too painful a process, so adoption is the better route for her!  "Besides Mama, all those babies need a home.  They can just come live with me."

I couldn't have said it better.

small victories

Here is a peak at our day at the zoo on Wednesday.  It was our first time to be alone with Baby Girl.  It was also the first bottle she would take from me.  I don't know if you can tell from the picture, but I am crying tears of joy and relief that she felt comfortable enough to eat with me.

We are home now and doing so well!  She is an absolute joy!  So smiley and happy.  She is eating well and sleeping well.  Moonpie and Buddy are doing great with her.  We are loving being in our little nest, getting to know our littlest bird.

and i know...you can't even see her face.  we are still feeling a bit shy during this very intimate time.  

in the thick of it

We are still in the thick of it here in Tyler, TX.  We have been having daily visits with baby girl in her foster home, and have slowly been able to take over some parenting duties.  Today was just the best- we were able to take her to the zoo!  And it felt...normal!  We loved being all together.  While away from her foster home, she allowed me to feed her a bottle (she has refused when we were in her foster home), and to soothe her when she was sad.  She even napped while I wore her in the Ergo carrier.  It was really the best moment!

Tomorrow we sign our placement papers, and if we all agree that she is ready, we get to go home!

Would you please pray that we can all agree on what's best for her?

And would you continue to pray for her little heart as she makes this huge transition?  That we are able to help her through this trauma?

Lastly, would you pray for us?  We love this child and are ready to parent her.  Having to drop her off today after the zoo was very hard.

I promise- once we get the green light, you will get to see her sweet face!

over the river

Today we travel through the trees and over rivers to our baby girl.  I cannot believe that it is truly happening!  We get to meet her this evening, and then will have a series of visits in her home throughout the week.  Our agency is so careful to do the most loving thing for the children they place, and these home visits are one of them.  She will have the chance to slowly acclimate to us, and I think this will also give Moonpie and Buddy the chance to ease into their transition as well.  I am thankful for this.

This past week has been hectic.  We had much to do in very little time.  I catch myself taking shallow breaths, and I have to remind myself "breathe".  Slow deep breaths are the course for the day!  In the midst of all of the paperwork and appointments, the mad frenzy known as nesting overtook my body!  I have been cleaning and sewing as much as time allows.  Moonpie reminded me yesterday "mama, I don't think the baby is going to care if the house is clean".  Such wisdom.  Just the reminder I needed to settle in and play some games with the children and cuddle all together to watch some Busy Town Mystery.  I have to remember that even though they are excited, they are also battling the fear that a new sibling means less love for them.  We have been having lengthy talks and lots of encouragement this week to walk with them through those doubts.

I find myself paying attention the little "lasts".  The last time we will sit at our table as a family of four.  The last time I will be able to take a longish shower (ha!), you know the drill.  But I'm also thinking about Baby.  How this is her last week of being family-less.  What a sweet gift this adoption is for all of us.

baby news!

I am emerging from my month of quiet (here, not in life!) to share some wonderful news with you. You all have been so encouraging in our adoption journey that I couldn't keep this to myself!

We have a placement!

Friday we received a blanket email from our agency declaring a need for a forever family for a sweet, seven month old baby girl in foster care.  John and I prayed it over and felt a very strong YES to pursue her.  We waited through the weekend and did not hear a word.  By Sunday night we decided that she had probably already been placed, but that night she kept coming up in my dreams.  Monday morning I emailed again just to see how we could continue praying for her.  That night we received the call.  We already knew in our hearts that our answer was yes.

Yesterday was filled with paperwork, setting up appointments, locating a crib, and a generally distracted mind.  There is still much to be done (we have no baby items) and a very short amount of time to do it in.

Did I mention that if all goes well, she gets to come home next week?

Next week!!!

Nine months of nesting crammed into a week?  I'm game!




If you would, please pray that all goes smoothly between our agency and CPS.  Thank you!

from my heart

This morning marks our first day of school around here.  Moonpie is so excited!  Last night she told me "I hope I can sleep.  I feel like tomorrow's my birthday!".  That girl...

But here's the thing.  I am reluctant to start.  A month into our homeschool year this year was to be the time when a new little babe was to be placed into our arms.  We were planning on babymooning it up this time.  Lounging in bed with the little one, the children turning feral as we gazed at our newest one. That's not happening though.  It feels like putting one foot in front of the other is turning into a full on sprint as the fall approaches.  And if I can just stay here, in this spot, while he is still in utero, maybe I can trick time into sitting still with me.

I won't have to finally put the box of diapers and onesies away that have been sitting in the music room, waiting for a turn in the wash.

I won't have to set aside the hope that he is coming.

But on the other hand, I have these two precious ones, so eager for life to move on, to learn new things, to jump creeks with Laura Ingalls Wilder.  So eager that I know that this, this first day of school, is the right thing to do.

Deep breath.

Moving forward.

the lion king

Thank you for your kind words yesterday here and in emails.  We truly appreciate your concern and your prayers!

The day after we received the text that our adoption was not going to happen, we had tickets to The Lion King.  My parents had bought these for us and my brother's family over six months ago and we had been anticipating this show for all of that time.  But with our news, I wanted to crawl into a cave and just sit for a while.  I didn't want to go out.  I for sure didn't want to get dressed up.  I kept thinking about that part in Their Eyes Were Watching God when she is too busy mourning the loss of her husband to dress up, so she goes to the funeral in overalls.  That's how I felt.

But I knew better.

I knew that going to this play, sitting with my excited children, putting on some lip gloss, would be the best thing for me.  So I went.  And I can't tell you how happy I am that I did!

That first number, when all of the animals flood the aisles, had me in tears.  I knew in that moment, that this falling the night after our news was a sweet gift from God.  The shear beauty of that scene overwhelmed me by all of the goodness that is to be had in this world, and the reminder that every good and perfect gift is from above and comes down from the Father of lights.  I can't even put into words how amazing that scene is, or the whole play even.  It is colorful, creative, and full of life.

Later in the play, there is a song that the adult Simba sings about the sun always rising.  I was pretty sure that song was in the play just for me.  It was just what I needed to hear.

We had a wonderful night.  The kids loved it and so did we.  It was so fun to be in the theater, at night, with an audience full of children.  The clapping, the shouting, the exuberance they bring- I want them to be there every time!


Have you seen The Lion King?  Did you choke up too?

beauty {adoption update}

Last Wednesday we received a phone call that our birth mom had been experiencing some contractions and had gone to the hospital.  She was later released and told to rest, in the mean time, our evening picked up the pace.  We were on and off of the phone with our director and our case worker, trying to get a list of all that we needed to get done, just in case he came early.  In the midst of all of that I shot a text to our birth mom to check on her.  I was on the phone with our case worker setting up a home study for the next morning when a text came through.  It was her- our birth mom.  Isn't it amazing how one little text can stop everything?

Your plans?
Your breathing?
Your heart?

She told me that she had chosen a different family.  One that she truly felt was right for her child.

I was crushed in that moment.  After almost two years of waiting and the previous three years of failing to get pregnant and then the miscarriage, I was crushed.

In that moment.

We had ventured into this journey knowing that she could choose to keep the child.  We knew that he was hers until he was ours.  This protection we placed over our hearts has helped to some extent.  However you can never truly be closed and open to a child at the same time, and we definitely were leaning more on the open side.  But the best part of this is that we felt very confident from the very first phone call that we had been chosen in June, that this relationship needed to be about the birth mom.  God had whispered that into our hearts from that very moment, and we moved ahead with that wisdom in place.

We have a good relationship with her.  We love her and we do not hold this against her.  I cannot imagine the pain of this choice.  And then having to tell a family that you care about that the placement isn't going to happen?  So, so hard.

Today we feel good.  Hopeful.  We put one foot in front of the other.  We hug each other and thank God for what we have.  We trust that He has brought us to this point.  And as I make plans to get out this morning and clear some garden space to start with some fall planting, He reminds me that out of the dirt springs beauty.

how we met

We met our birth mom this week!  It was really incredible to sit next to her, hear her speak of her love for this child and connect over baking and crafting.  She is beautiful and brave, and facing a very difficult decision.  We are no where really closer to knowing if this is a for sure thing yet.  So we are still taking it one day at a time, trusting that the outcome will be what it is supposed to be.

In the meantime we have this young woman in our lives that we get to pray for and love, and we are taking that pretty seriously.  We feel so connected to her that we know this is the supernatural work of God.  Because really, she never should have seen our book.

We have been working all this time with Loving Alternative in Tyler.  For almost two years we have waited to hear some news from the wonderful women that work there.  During that time we found that they were assisting another group of YWAM missionaries down in Houston who run a program called Little Footprints.  This program works with homeless children and teens, and runs a weekly street church where individuals are fed literally and spiritually.  John and I had volunteered with street church about three years ago and really loved what we were seeing.  They have been working in the past few years to equip rescue families to take in street children and babies.  This then turned into adoptions.  Fast forward to February 2012.  A friend of ours from our church is a case worker with the Houston branch (called Loving Alternative Houston, or just Loving Houston).  She asked if we could attend their training in that month and if we had an extra Life Book that could be shown.  I grabbed her a copy of our LB immediately, but we then decided that my health wasn't really what it should be to begin the process at that time.  They told us that they would put us on hold until I was feeling better.

So two weeks ago when we received the call from Loving Houston, we were shocked.  We really thought that we were off of their radar at this point.  As it turns out, our birth mom had looked at several books and didn't see anyone that felt right to her.  The director of the program grabbed another stack of books that we just happened to be in.  When she chose us, the director was fuzzy on who we even were!  We should not have been in that stack!  She remembered that we are friends with another rescue family and got our contact info from them.  So crazy!  The timing has been perfect, because they were offering training this week.  They require that all of their families are licensed foster to adopt, so we are receiving training for both.  It has been a long week, but the classes have been really interesting and helpful.

I have been so moved to be in the midst of all of these couples that are taking a stand for the traumatized child, willingly putting themselves in hard situations to benefit another.  That sounds like the gospel to me.

If you are near the Houston area and curious about this program, please check them out!  It will bless your socks off!  They are in dire need of more families that will open their hearts and homes to the children of Houston's streets.

For information on Little Footprints, CLICK HERE

It's Official::Part 2

I am officially failing miserably at containing my excitement for our third child's arrival.  I blame it on my friend that gifted me with a large box of cloth diapers.  I mean, it is impossible to sort through a box of brightly colored cloth diapers and not get excited!

Here's the thing, I love pretty big.  I just cannot keep myself from loving this child.  I have decided that he is worth it.  Loving is always risky business.  I think back to our miscarriage that was just devastating to us.  After a few days of recovery, I needed to be at the beach.  To sit and watch the waves and hear my children squealing around me.  The song Coast by Eliza Gilkyson came on my iPod.  There is a line she sings "Did you ever think it would be like this?  The price you pay for love?".  And I decided then, just like I've decided this time, that there is a price you pay for loving.  And it usually is worth it.  This time is no different.

So as I am trying to maintain a level of sanity, I'm excited!  And vulnerable.  And shy about the subject, until I'm not.

We meet our birth mom next week!  In the meantime I am doing crazy things like ordering fabric for a baby blanket and tiny pants.  I'm researching adoptive breast feeding.  I'm trying (and failing) to get more sleep in anticipation for no sleep.

I'm pregnant on paper.

And I'm ready for it to show.

it can all change

Sometimes things can all change in just a moment.
You can be walking into a Mexican food restaurant, and get a phone call that can leave you unable to eat.  That sends butterflies straight from your stomach to your heart.
That's what happened to us last week.
We got the call.
The call.
A birth mom has chosen our portfolio!
We are meeting her soon to see if we are a good match.
I get to see her face and hug her sweet neck.
We will get a chance to hear her speak and to probably cry together.
We are over the moon, but trying to remain realistic.
Because in adoption, it can all change in just a moment.

adoption update

It's been a long time since I've done any updates on our adoption, because honestly, there hasn't been anything to report.  Sometimes the journey to adoption can feel a lot like drifting.  Sometimes it feels like it's not even happening.  Like I dreamed it all up.  But that's never for very long.  I still yearn for our third child.  It takes every ounce of self-control that I have to not run up to trans-racial families and hug them all. I still read every adoption story I come across.

I'm still ready.

I've mentioned before that our agency is tiny.  The three women who run it work tirelessly to take care of their birth mamas.  Therefore, if we want to hear any updates from them, it is usually up to us to make the call.  And we hate to feel burdensome.  We are those types of people.  Nevertheless, sometimes, we just can't stand the "not knowing" any more and have to touch base.

John called our agency yesterday just to see how things were moving.  Our case worker told him that last year was the strangest that they've ever had.  They only placed 6 children.  They had numerous near placements, with the birth mom changing her mind at the last minute.  They had even more near placements with birth dads stepping in at the last minute to claim their rights.  Some of these dads even stepped in after the child had been placed.  We have to keep all of this in mind as we move ahead.  Adoption is not a done deal, until it is.  You can be told one thing, only for the situation to change in a matter of hours.  So we step forward in faith knowing that whatever comes our way can be handled through God's grace.
And let me just add this, in case there is any confusion- we are 100% about orphan prevention.  If a birth mom decides to keep her child, we rejoice in that.  We rejoice when knowing that the child is with a loving parent that can and will parent.  Sadly, this is not always the case, and it is hard when a person who is not ready to parent chooses to parent.  Our agency has seen this countless times, only to see Child Protective Services have to step in and remove the child only a few months after birth.  We want to prevent orphans, yes, of course, but we also want to prevent abuse and neglect.  And that is one of the reasons we have opened our hearts and our home to adoption.

Back to our update.  We still have not been chosen by a birth mom, but our family book is currently being shown to three moms!  We are excited about this and we know that before the foundations of the earth were put in place, that God has planned the children that are to be a part of this family.  What a peace and a comfort we find there.

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If you would- please pray for these moms.  I mean, can you imagine that kind of decision to be made as a young girl (sometimes as young as 12)?  Please pray for our case workers.  They are machines.  Except they're not.  They are sweet ladies that need to rest and need respite.  Would you pray for their stamina, their comfort, their wisdom?


Thank you!

home study: complete!

our living room

It makes me so happy to write those words, "home study: complete"!  We had the best caseworker in the world.  She was thorough, but in a very casual way.  She was encouraging and helpful.  And she was hilarious!  My interview took us 2 1/2 hours to finish because she was cracking me up so much!

Between the requirements of the state and those of our agency, we had a total of six interviews to complete.  We were all interviewed separately and then John and I had two interviews together.  Moonpie is super friendly and comfortable to talk with anyone, but Buddy is much more shy.  He was really apprehensive about his interview time.  Our caseworker, J, set up her Farmville game on her computer.  He loves video games so he went over to check it out.  Through the course of her explaining the game to him, she completed his interview!  He didn't even know what hit him!  I was so thankful for her flexibility.

Yesterday she walked through the house checking for things like smoke detectors, fire extinguishers, clean floors, etc.  Before she left she gave us big hugs and said she'd call us next week to check on us.

Not only did we complete our home study yesterday, but I also received our picture portfolio in the mail!  I'm still waiting on the hard bound one so I can send them into the agency.  The birth moms use the portfolios to help choose the family they think will be a good match.

As far as the requirements go, we are done.  Now the real waiting begins.
Waiting to be chosen.
Like a big, really important game of kick ball.  Hoping the team captain chooses you.  We are so ready to be put in the game!

it's happening

Our home study is tomorrow, and it's happening again- I'm getting nesting urges for this child.  For so long nothing seemed to be going on and the adoption felt unreal.  Like we would wake up one day in our 50's and think "remember that time we tried to adopt? ".  But it's happening.  We are moving towards adoption. We are moving towards the day that we meet our birth mom.  A young woman is about to have her heart ripped out and pass it on to someone else.  A young woman that we will always be connected to...and we don't even know her name yet.  I already ache for this person.  I already cry for her and the pain that she is facing right now and the increasing pain she will face when she places her child into our arms.  I pray that she is not alone in facing this burden.  This grief.  I am thankful for our caseworkers and the tireless work they do in loving on these moms.  But I know it's not enough.  This world of hurt can only be healed by Jesus, and I most of all I pray that for her.  That Jesus will wrap her up in his arms and hold her tight as He whispers promises of hope in her ear, reaching all the way to her very heart.

In the meantime, through the tears, the prayers, the grief...for her...there is joy.  And excitement.  I started pulling out fabric for a baby quilt last night, Moonpie standing by for recommendations and vetoing power, talking about how much she loves this baby already and wants to make her/him a raggy quilt and a baby doll.  I'm dreaming of cloth diapers and sweet little baby hats.  Of late night feedings, and what exactly will that look like this time around?  I'm daydreaming about this child, the timing, the race, the sex- all the unknowns.  Wondering how this is all going to go down.  Wondering why we have been chosen for this painful, beautiful mystery of adoption-

and grateful for it.

adoption update

We have a home study scheduled!!!

I am just a little over the moon excited about this!  (As if the overuse of exclamation points didn't clue you in to that.)

It is going to take place one week from today.  We are working with a woman that our agency contacted on our behalf.  She is already cracking me up just from messages and our one phone conversation.  Thank you Lord for giving us a caseworker with a sense of humor!

In the mean time, I'm working on our photo book and leaving helpful reminders to my husband to write his "about me" section.  You know, while he's on his second mission trip in a row.  Ahem.  Let's be honest.  I've known the man since he was 15 years old.  I'm pretty sure I can write it and even have it sound like him.  And he's confidently hopeful that it's going to play out that way.

As of right now, I'm not anxious or nervous at all.  I've had enough friends go through this process to know that it really isn't a scary occurrence.  I'm just day dreaming about all of the food I'm going to make for her.  Oh, and where to strategically place the fire extinguisher.  I thought it was weird when my mom gave it to me in my stocking, but now I'm completely down with it!

If you've had a home study, please tell us all a little about your experience!

defending the fatherless

taken from allgodschildren.org

Have you read about the situation in Ethiopia in regards to orphan care?

The Ethiopian Ministry of Women's Affairs (MOWA) has announced a proposal to decrease the number of adoptions they will process and approve—even by as much as 90%. They are planning to accomplish this decrease by limiting the number of approved cases to only 5 per working day. This change is currently set to begin on March 10, 2011.  From All God's Children


Please take a minute to read  Ethiopia: A Call to Action with this in mind- there are 5 million children in Ethiopia waiting for a family.  


5 million.


you can read from some mama's waiting on their Ethiopian children:


here and here