Monday, August 20, 2012

from my heart

This morning marks our first day of school around here.  Moonpie is so excited!  Last night she told me "I hope I can sleep.  I feel like tomorrow's my birthday!".  That girl...

But here's the thing.  I am reluctant to start.  A month into our homeschool year this year was to be the time when a new little babe was to be placed into our arms.  We were planning on babymooning it up this time.  Lounging in bed with the little one, the children turning feral as we gazed at our newest one. That's not happening though.  It feels like putting one foot in front of the other is turning into a full on sprint as the fall approaches.  And if I can just stay here, in this spot, while he is still in utero, maybe I can trick time into sitting still with me.

I won't have to finally put the box of diapers and onesies away that have been sitting in the music room, waiting for a turn in the wash.

I won't have to set aside the hope that he is coming.

But on the other hand, I have these two precious ones, so eager for life to move on, to learn new things, to jump creeks with Laura Ingalls Wilder.  So eager that I know that this, this first day of school, is the right thing to do.

Deep breath.

Moving forward.


Anonymous said...

You can do it, Mandi! The Lord has such great things in store for your family, but you have to move forward to get there. Love you, mama.

kathy gail said...

Out of some of our greatest disappointments grow some of our greatest joys, dear heart. You're doing fine.