Tuesday, August 14, 2012

beauty {adoption update}


Last Wednesday we received a phone call that our birth mom had been experiencing some contractions and had gone to the hospital.  She was later released and told to rest, in the mean time, our evening picked up the pace.  We were on and off of the phone with our director and our case worker, trying to get a list of all that we needed to get done, just in case he came early.  In the midst of all of that I shot a text to our birth mom to check on her.  I was on the phone with our case worker setting up a home study for the next morning when a text came through.  It was her- our birth mom.  Isn't it amazing how one little text can stop everything?

Your plans?
Your breathing?
Your heart?

She told me that she had chosen a different family.  One that she truly felt was right for her child.

I was crushed in that moment.  After almost two years of waiting and the previous three years of failing to get pregnant and then the miscarriage, I was crushed.

In that moment.

We had ventured into this journey knowing that she could choose to keep the child.  We knew that he was hers until he was ours.  This protection we placed over our hearts has helped to some extent.  However you can never truly be closed and open to a child at the same time, and we definitely were leaning more on the open side.  But the best part of this is that we felt very confident from the very first phone call that we had been chosen in June, that this relationship needed to be about the birth mom.  God had whispered that into our hearts from that very moment, and we moved ahead with that wisdom in place.

We have a good relationship with her.  We love her and we do not hold this against her.  I cannot imagine the pain of this choice.  And then having to tell a family that you care about that the placement isn't going to happen?  So, so hard.

Today we feel good.  Hopeful.  We put one foot in front of the other.  We hug each other and thank God for what we have.  We trust that He has brought us to this point.  And as I make plans to get out this morning and clear some garden space to start with some fall planting, He reminds me that out of the dirt springs beauty.

13 comments:

Kellybird said...

beautiful. love you.

affectioknit said...

so...so sorry...Peace be with you...

Becky said...

so, so hard...this journey towards the family we know we were meant to have. a california girl is keeping you in her heart today.

The Farmers Nest said...

Praying for you sweet friend.

Jana said...

Praying for you guys. Praying for her.

theknoxes said...

Love you

thismummaslife.com said...

Stumbled to your blog from Soulemama, and this post touched me. Having never met you, I want to give you a hug, both for what a sad experience this must be and for the positivity that you are showing in the face of it. Good luck to you!

Becky said...

I love you and I love your heart. God is preparing the way for you and your family to meet your new son or daughter...so sorry this isn't it & that you have to endure this loss, but you are one step closer to your baby! Praying for you & yours!

Rosie_Kate said...

Oh, I wanted to cry just reading that. I'm so sorry for your hurt. I'm glad you're accepting God's will in this, but I pray you'll be able to heal from the disappointment and hurt as well.

Steph said...

Hey. I'm was just catching up on my Reader this morning and read this.

Im so sorry, Mandi! I know God is writing you a beautiful story...but man...why do beautiful stories have to have such hard chapters!

Here for you, friend! Praying.
Love you.

Traci said...

I just cannot believe it that she sent such serious news, in a text. Shame. So sorry Mandi.

Nashville Katie Wetsell said...

Just now read this as I was preparing our adoption update. My heart goes out to you as I remember that odd mix emotions when we found out our plans for 2 had been reduced to one. I'm so glad you have a godly husband and the Holy Spirit to guide you into rest and hope. We will pray for your family and hope to see you again soon.

An Inviting Home said...

I can only imagine how heartbreaking this was. I am so sorry.

~Sarah