i think we are doing well. there are hard moments and sadness still, but overall, peace resides. peace in the knowledge that we are deeply loved and cared for, and being held near the heart of god during this time.
yesterday turned into a hard day. i couldn't shake this melancholy feeling all day, and then while i was cleaning out the art nook, i came across a basket of baby announcements moonpie had made. there must be 20 in there at least. each one has a little baby cradled by the moon and reads "u babe is kumen to taln" (a baby is coming to town). that sweet big sissy. i sat on the couch next to john and cried. oh the lessons of hope and loss, and then back to hope. what a difficult path. i think the hardest part for me has been to allow the sadness to move in and take over for a minute. to just sit and work through the sad. that is important, yet something i resist. this morning the thought popped into my head "i wonder what color her eyes would have been". and instead of pushing the thought out and moving onto dinner plans or school plans, i just sat and thought about it for a minute, cried a little, and then moved on. and it was good. acknowledging the grief feels like honoring the baby, and myself. honoring the fact that i can survive this. that i can be sad, yet joyful at the same time. that i can continue to have hope that a fourth babe will come along one day.
thank you for the love you have passed on-
here it is
back to you