Wednesday, January 6, 2010


thank you so much for all of the kindness you have shown here lately. i cannot tell you how much your words, your thoughts, your prayers, mean to us. if i could wrap each of you in a big hug right now, i would.

i think we are doing well. there are hard moments and sadness still, but overall, peace resides. peace in the knowledge that we are deeply loved and cared for, and being held near the heart of god during this time.

yesterday turned into a hard day. i couldn't shake this melancholy feeling all day, and then while i was cleaning out the art nook, i came across a basket of baby announcements moonpie had made. there must be 20 in there at least. each one has a little baby cradled by the moon and reads "u babe is kumen to taln" (a baby is coming to town). that sweet big sissy. i sat on the couch next to john and cried. oh the lessons of hope and loss, and then back to hope. what a difficult path. i think the hardest part for me has been to allow the sadness to move in and take over for a minute. to just sit and work through the sad. that is important, yet something i resist. this morning the thought popped into my head "i wonder what color her eyes would have been". and instead of pushing the thought out and moving onto dinner plans or school plans, i just sat and thought about it for a minute, cried a little, and then moved on. and it was good. acknowledging the grief feels like honoring the baby, and myself. honoring the fact that i can survive this. that i can be sad, yet joyful at the same time. that i can continue to have hope that a fourth babe will come along one day.

thank you for the love you have passed on-
here it is
back to you



Traci said...

that is fantastic Mandi...I think as believers in God and His perfect plan, sometimes we feel it is wrong to be sad too must trust His plan and I know you do. Hang on. This one comforted me in the new year 2009 and continues to now.

For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you (in ways we don't know) and not to harm you, plans to give you hope (the ultimate hope, eternal life) and a future.
-Jeremiah 29:11

I think of you on and off daily. I learned of a young family whom we are acquainted with..the father was killed in a jet ski accident two days ago...his wife and three small children (6 yrs, 2 yrs, 5 mos.) grieve. I believe the same for her as for you although we cannot explain these things.

Love to you. -tm

Mandy said...

You are such a precious friend. I loved seeing you today.

nicola@which name? said...

oh, mandi. you have me tearing up. you are a very wise woman to let the grief have its moment.
ps. thank you for your sweet comment on my post today. i was letting my emotions have their moment.

Farmer Brad said...

I just want to say i am so thankful that God has given you the grace and perspective to have hope and joy in such a difficult situation. You are so special in so many ways. I do want to say also that it is good to grieve, as you experienced. Take that time and don't feel guilty when you feel the need to mourn. I think the stoics had it wrong! It is worth morning for the loss your family has felt. But praise God that He has also given you hope!

May the Lord bless you and keep you and make His face to shine upon you and give you peace.

Oh, yeah and stay warm!

Love you,

The Kramer Family said...

love you so so so much.

your heart is so beautiful. i can just see you going about your day and then pausing to take the time to grieve and let it all out.

i'm so thankful that in those moments, you find Him there with open arms to comfort you.

What a beautiful promise.

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." Matthew 5:4

love you! Lyns

Rosie_Kate said...

I hope you can keep finding space to grieve. It is very important. And don't be surprised if it keeps coming back to you for a long time...


Lauren said...

mandi, i am so sorry about your baby. god will get you through this and hopefully bless you with another little one soon. always keeping you in my prayers and hope you have a safe and healthy new year.
Love, Lauren Briley

Beeswax said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I had an early miscarriage just before this current pregnancy. At 6.5 months, I am still scared that something will go wrong: One of my sons was born almost 6 weeks early, and we still don't know why.

This birthing babies thing is not for sissies. It is serious, life and death business!