Wednesday, May 27, 2009

looking back

a talk with a friend today made me think back to when little buddy was born.  going from one kid to two was a rough transition for us.  having moonpie was really smooth.  she was born and our life changed for the better.   it was pretty easy for us.  i relished the late night feedings and constant nursing.  as she grew, we were best buddies.  she was always with me.  when were expecting buddy, i assumed it would be the same.  easy.  natural.  but it wasn't.  i wanted to lay around and swoon, but i had a 2 1/2 year old.  i couldn't figure out how to do it all.  it was a very hard time for me.  john had a job change 6 weeks after buddy was born and began commuting- so i was home alone.
a lot.
we then moved into the town he had been commuting to when buddy was about 5 months old.  but during this time there was a house to restore and the stress that came along with that.  i look back at that time with some regrets.  i wanted to post about this for you mamas who are maybe expecting your 2nd.  this is what i wish i knew:
- the laundry will eventually get done
-it's ok to just lay around for a week or so after the baby is born and stare
- encourage the toddler to do it with you!
- don't expect your toddler to be up to par behaviorally with where she was before the birth.  she needs to transition too.
- go easy on yourself
- go easy on your toddler
i wish i could take back all the exasperated sighs, or the times i expected moonpie to act like anything else but a two year old.  i wish i would have sat longer gazing at my buddy instead of rushing to get dinner done. i wish i would have asked for help more.

i look forward to our next pregnancy.  i know it will be rough adding a third, but i think i've gained some wisdom about not sacrificing the feelings of the older on behalf of the younger.  not expecting more out of myself or the kids than i should.  relaxing more.  expecting my friends to clean my bathtub and make me dinner (you know who you are!).  and just living gentler.  

8 comments:

Cindy said...

Don't beat yourself up. Everyone is fine, momma bear...what a cute picture! Yes, you can accept more help next time, not only from friends, you know...

mandi said...

oh- not beating myself up! just wanted to pass on some 'wisdom' to others! really, no guilt, just some regrets...

Mandy said...

There are many times I wish I knew then what I know now! That's why God tells the older women to help the younger ones along in Titus. It's our job as experienced moms to pass along what we learned and that's great you are taking that to heart.

mandi said...

mandy-
oh man, has god been loudly speaking this into my heart lately! i mean, for the past year- BIG TIME!!! thanks for picking up on that in this post. : )

johannapule said...

Thanks for this Mandi :) I will save it for when the next kid comes along. For now I am starting to enjoy the constant nursing and late nights when I am the only person in the world who can make him happy. Thanks for all your support and for being such a great mom to look up to. Those are some lucky kiddos :)

nicola @ which name? said...

oh, i can SO relate. in fact, you are one of the few who has said this...that going from 1 to 2 was harder. see all my posts from a year or so ago! sigh...and to think i just posted about adding a third. or not.
nicola
http://whichname.blogspot.com

Cheryl said...

Adding #2 was a hard transition for us too but #3 was actually alot easier. Having the oldest to actually help made a huge difference! And maybe because I did ask for for help from my friends and family...thanks for cleaning my bathtub! Love you!

Crunchy Christian Mom said...

I think we all go through these rough times, expecting more of ourselves and our older children than is realistic. I've noticed especially that most eldest children aren't allowed the same "childishness" that they're younger siblings are. It's all in the comparisons.

I'm pretty good about laying around and ignoring the laundry after a new baby, though. :)